Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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