I skipped work to stalk him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
