hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
