The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
soo... how was my night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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