I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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