I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
