This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
