Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
