I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
