My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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