she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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