Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
