allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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