In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
