If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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