When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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