who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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