Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Boobs are out for the taking
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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