google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
