about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
