soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I want is dick and wine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
