roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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