By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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