is your mom at the bar?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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