i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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