you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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