I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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