so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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