I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
