yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
