So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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