grandma shit on top of the toilet
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
