I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
