I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
