So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
