You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
