He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
