Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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