btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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