no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
