"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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