I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
