thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
