Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
