i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
