Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
