just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i need some magic done to my vagina
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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