people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
