We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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