but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
