So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
