whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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