He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
